Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
