You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
