need another drink. this is the easiest way
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
