then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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