i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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