I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
