Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
