If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
