Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
