Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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