I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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