I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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