PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
