am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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