first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
