I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
