Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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