I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
