your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
