it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
