I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
