the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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