this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
