The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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