I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
