"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we have pet lesbian snakes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
