I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
