I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't want my vagina anymore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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