Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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