You're completely useless in the revolution.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
