Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
