Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
