the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
