The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
