you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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