i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
