I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
