my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
