lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
