What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
