butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
