I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
