My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
