Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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