Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
