Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
