anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
