Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
