so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
