On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
