Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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