Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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