apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
