oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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