No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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