chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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